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About 4 months ago, Scooter was diagnosed with a sudden onset of severe diabetes. He had lost a significant amount of weight, was lethargic and withdrawn. We brought him to the vet and attempted to maintain his blood sugar by administering insulin to him twice a day. It seemed as though his body couldn’t be regulated though as the more insulin we gave him, the more he needed.

Along the way, his personality – which admittedly has always been a bit quirky – changed too. Since the day C brought Scooter home, he was attached to me, we used to joke that he was my little shadow. Every time I left a room, Scoots had to follow to check out where I was going. When we all laid on the couch, he had to be laying on me, or at least have his paw touching me. He was very vocal, and loved to “chat” with me… he definitely wasn’t a “normal” cat, and needed more attention than most, which while annoying at times, I found endearing.

Over the past few months though, Scooter’s attachment seemed to turn more to an obsession, and I couldn’t go anywhere – even the bathroom – without him following me. If I closed him out of the bathroom while I was taking a shower, he would cry and scratch desperately at the door until I was out. In the middle of the night, he seemed to forget where he was in the house, though he was just outside our door, and he’d start crying frantically until I called out to him and he’d come running to the bed, crying and looking to be consoled. We’re not sure if Scooter’s behavioral change was due to the diabetes, or if he sensed things were going to change with LA on the way, but he certainly wasn’t the same guy. He apparently took issue with C, and started peeing on anything that belonged to him. He completely destroyed C’s “man room” – the only thing that C was looking forward to when we bought our house.

At the vet’s advice we started Scooter on Amitriptilyne (kitty Prozac) in the hopes that it would help him to relax a little. A little over a month into it though, Scooter was still deteriorating, both mentally and physically. We were finding clumps of his hair that he would pull out of his back all around the house, his weight steadily declined, and he was still urinating all over the basement. It became apparent that he was having trouble going up and down the stairs, and when it was time for his insulin he’d cry and beg as though I was giving him a treat. Finally, with my heart breaking I realized that the kindest thing I could do for my little buddy was to say goodbye.

Yesterday C and I took Scooter to the vet and did the only loving thing we could do. It was also the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. C said his goodbyes and stepped out of the room, while I stayed to keep Scoots company in those final moments. Through my tears, I told him how much we loved him, and what a great friend he has been to me over these past 6 years, and then he nudged up against my hand and laid his head down. I knew the moment he was gone, because a look of peace came over him that I haven’t seen in a very long time. I stayed with him for a few moments after, and finally kissed him goodbye and walked away.

I’ve had a lot of pets over the years, but none that I loved and adored as much as Scooter. You’ll be so missed little guy, and I thank you for so many years of love that you gave us.

Someone shared this with me, and I found it very sweet:

A Cat’s Prayer
Author: Unknown

If it should be, that I grow frail and weak,

And pain should keep me from my sleep,

Then, you must do what must be done

For this, the last battle, can’t be won.

Don’t let your grief stay your hand,

For this day more than the rest,

Your love and friendship stand the test.

We’ve had so many years,

What is to come can hold no fear.

You’d not want me to suffer, so

When the time comes, please let me go.

Take me where my needs they’ll tend,

Only, stay with me to the end

And hold me firm and speak to me

Until my eyes no longer see.

I know in time you’ll see it is a kindness you do for me

Although my tail its last has waved,

From pain and suffering I’ve been saved.

Don’t grieve it should be you who this thing decides to do.

We’ve been so close, we two, these years,

Don’t let your heart hold tears.

SMILE, FOR WE WALKED TOGETHER FOR AWHILE.

Since most of the women in our class are first timers, it’s nice to have other people going through the same situation with the same dumb questions that you’re afraid to ask. Last night was an eye opener for sure. We’re having this baby, one way or another. In fact, the tour was such a reality check for me that I had a dream that I had the baby, and due to complications had to have an emergency c-section (scary!). The dream was so incredibly realistic that I woke up terrified, and grabbed my belly only to feel LA’s rump all cozy in there. Whew. Atleast we have a few more months to prepare – obviously more mentally than anything.

I’ve been telling myself for far too long now that I’d take the time to put some of my thoughts down and start writing a blog, but we all know how that goes. Work, life, home, there’s always something more important. As a point of reference, a quick synopsis: Pregnancy started off a bit rocky, things weren’t looking so hot for awhile, but Little Acosta (LA) hung on strong, bound to make an impact in this world. By 14 weeks or so, things were looking up, and at about 20 weeks we were given the green light courtesy of a super in depth Level 2 Ultrasound that showed LA looking awfully strong in there. We’ve decided to wait to find out if the baby is a boy or a girl, but I mostly say “him”. I’ve felt since day one that LA was a boy, but for all I know, I could have zero mother’s intuition. We’ll see in a few months….

So here I am staring down the barrel of the third trimester, getting ready to welcome our first child into the world, and everyone always asks me “How do you feel?”. Granted, I don’t think anyone realizes what a loaded question this is to ask a woman who is 7 months pregnant, because the honest answer would probably take some people aback. I usually smile, nod my head up and down and say “Great!”. Don’t want to disappoint – that’s the perfectionist in me…

Really how do I feel?? I’m a bit tired, my belly is swollen to almost comedic proportions, I have to get up from my desk/couch/bed/where ever I might be to use the ladies room every 45 minutes or so because this munchkin is laying directly on my bladder, I’m pretty freaking scared of giving birth, and I’m more than terrified that I won’t know what to do with this child when they get here. I’m also loving every moment of it.

I’ve always looked forward to the day that we would start our family, I just never realized how much the period of time prior to the baby’s arrival would impact me. I love knowing that I’m carrying this child around with me every day. I think it’s the most amazing thing when LA sticks his little rump out my side to the point where it’s clearly visible to anyone who might be looking at my belly, and I usually wind up staring down in awe as the realization that there’s this little person in there hits me. It may seem odd and I suppose one would think I’d be used to it by now, but it’s really a daily occurrence that it strikes me how freaking cool this whole experience is.