Please Pause for a Moment

I’ve been out of town for a few days on business, and when I returned home yesterday weary from a day of delayed and rerouted flights I was late to pick L.A. up.  In my exhaustion, I missed the exit to his daycare and when I finally got there, it turned out he wasn’t all that excited to leave.  What a blow to the ego, when all day my motivation was scooping him up into my arms and snuggling him close.   

In any event, we made it home and through our nighttime routines.  At 7pm, he was tucked into his crib and fast asleep as usual.  About an hour later, he woke up and I was sure he was having a night terror – which he’s had in the past.  I went upstairs and surprisingly found him sitting up in his crib, wide awake and crying.  Normally, I would lay him down and cover him up and then let him work out whatever it was that was bothering him. 

Last night though, I took him into our bedroom and laid down with him nestled there in my arms.  It only took a few minutes for his breathing to even out, and I knew he was asleep.  In the dark I looked down at his peaceful face, and felt his chubby little hand pressed against my neck.  I thought of all the nights I sat in a darkened room feeding him while the rest of the world slept, and how it had been so long since he had fallen asleep in my arms like that.  I could have put him back in his room, he was sound asleep.  Instead, I laid there with him – reflecting on the time we’ve had – thinking about watching him grow, mourning it as much as celebrating it, if I’m being honest.  I laid there hoping that P2’s arrival doesn’t completely turn his world upside down.  I thought to myself – just for a moment, I’d like to press pause and hold onto these last fleeting weeks where he’s the only one. 

And just like that, P2 thumped against my belly from within.  Reminding me that I’m already a mother of two, and soon enough he or she will be laying there in my arms too.  I closed my eyes and rested my hand against my belly while L.A. began to snore lightly in the crook of my other arm.  As I drifted off to sleep myself, I dreamt of two little munchkins laughing together, and a smile crept onto my lips.