Ten Years

I had seen him around the halls of my office and thought he was cute, but it wasn’t until a night out with a few girlfriends that I had the nerve to introduce myself to him.  We hit it off right away, but I was in a weird place in life.  I was just barely 20 years old, and had just gotten out of a pretty awful relationship.  I wanted to party it up and be single and free.  I gave him my number, not expecting him to call – but he did.  I tried to brush him off and made up lame excuse after lame excuse as to why I couldn’t go out with him.  It wasn’t that I was disinterested, it was that I knew from our first conversation that he was going to be something real – someone who made me stop and care, and I wasn’t ready for that.

One day at work, I had just finished my lunch and stepped into the elevator headed back to my desk.  Like a scene from a Meg Ryan movie, as the elevator door started to close, a hand jutted in at the last second.  It was him.  Just the two of us in the elevator, alone.  ”So, what are you doing tonight?” he asked with a raised eyebrow as he anticipated my next quick witted lie.  My hands started to sweat, and I could feel the blood rushing to my face.  You see, I can tell a tale or two via email, maybe even stretch the truth over the phone, but face to face – forget it.  I wear it on my sleeve.  Before I could even think it through, my mouth blurted out “I, um, I’m having a party tonight – you can come if you want” I offered.  It was a Tuesday, and I was not having a party.  It was just that I lived a good 45 minutes away from him, and I was completely expecting him to turn me down given that it was a work night and all.  ”That sounds great, I’ll meet you here after work” he responded.  Crap, crap, crap.

As I drove home from work that day, I called everyone I knew to try to beg and con them into coming to my fictitious party.  There were five of us there – including C, myself, and my 16 year old brother.  Rock on!  Funny thing about that night though, it further solidified what I had thought that very first night I met him.  There was something about this guy – something amazing, and real, and kind, and all of that scared the heck out of me.

Despite the fact that we had a great time the night of my “party”, I continued to play the game for a few more weeks.  I just wasn’t ready, until one night I was headed out with a girlfriend and called him on a whim to see if he might want to meet us out.  He did, and again – we had a blast together.  The next day a few of us were headed to the beach, and I asked him if he wanted to come.  C agreed and as we parted ways that night, I promised to call him in the morning.  Imagine my surprise when I called him so that we could figure out where to meet up and he was all “my car battery is dead”.  I hung up the phone frustrated and disappointed.

After all that persistence, when I was finally letting my guard down he seemed to have changed his mind.  As I relayed the story to my friend, she insisted I call him back and offer to come pick him up.  ”But Nik – what if he is totally lying about it?” and she looked me square in the eye and said “how are you ever going to know if you don’t ask?”.  So I picked up the phone and called his house with shaky hands.  When he answered I said “sooo…. I was thinking, maybe we could come get you?” with a nervous break in my voice.  ”That sounds great, I’ll give you directions” he answered.

So off we went with a bunch of friends to the beach.  That was a Saturday morning.  We had so much fun that day that we decided to stay as a group, buying clothes and food along the way, ignoring the outside world and our responsibilities and didn’t come home until Wednesday.

That Saturday was ten years ago, today.

One Decade.  A third of my life.  It’s amazing how quickly it has gone by.  It’s even more amazing now that I know what I know about the two of us, that we stand here today.  C and I weren’t meant to be together – neither of us had any business getting into a serious relationship at that point in our life.  But, there was something… something that kept drawing us back.  In our earlier years, we tried to part ways more than once.  We convinced ourselves it would just be easier, because you see, we aren’t an “easy” couple.  We take work every.single.day.  We just believe it will be a little less work tomorrow than it was today.

His closet is clothes arranged on wooden hangers organized by season and (loosely) by color.  Mine is a tornado, plain and simple.  He’s the one who pushes me when I’m trying to give up, he’s persistent.  I’m fly by the seat of my pants – see where the road leads.  He plans everything.  I make lists in my head because when I actually take the time to write things down, nine times out of ten I forget it in the car (or on the counter, or I don’t remember it’s in my pocket until I’ve left the store missing key items).  He rarely forgets anything.  I can ride for hours in the car quietly, not even realizing that there isn’t any music.  I always know he’s home because I can hear his radio as he pulls into the driveway.

Despite all of our differences and even after ten years, there is still that something though.  Something that is so much stronger than either of us.  It’s in the way on a sunny day we’ll be playing outside with the kids and we catch each other’s eye with a little smile that lets the other person know – this is always the life I wanted.  It’s the something that held us together on our darkest days when we literally clung to each other and cried and just prayed we’d get it right tomorrow.  It’s the way when we slip into the sheets at night, my cold feet find his legs for warmth and he never ever complains.  It’s how my head fits perfectly into the spot in the crook of his arm when we snuggle on the couch.  It’s the something that makes my heart swell when I watch him with his children, the something that made me certain that the day I married him was the beginning of my life.

It’s how after ten years, I’m more in love with that man than I’ve ever been.  How ten years later, he is my partner and best friend in every sense of the word.  I love you, C.

Ten years down, forever and always to go.