Crista Acosta Photography »

It’s been a few years since we’ve been able to see fireworks.  We usually spend the 4th of July on the Vineyard, and getting to the fireworks from where the house is involves traveling across the island, battling masses of traffic and then getting smooshed by the crowd in order to be able to see them.  In our younger years, we saw it as an adventure – but being pregnant one year, then with an eight month old the following year, and then a toddler plus a newborn the year after that, we’ve foregone the festivities.  It just so happened this year that we were leaving on the 4th, and as we drove home late that night, I dozed in the passenger seat.  C would wake me up here and there to point out the fireworks on the horizon of the highway and I’d smile and nod in sleepy bliss before quickly falling back asleep.

Imagine our excitement when we found out that the Hartford fireworks were scheduled for this past weekend, and we’d finally be able to see them.  We were excited and planned the night with our neighbors who have a hook up to possibly the best seat in the city.  We kept the kids up late, and got ice cream on the way.  I expected P2 to fall fast asleep in the car, but he had other plans.  It was L.A.’s first fireworks experience, and we were fairly certain it would go one of two ways – he would love it or be terrified.  Sweet Girl came with us and excitedly talked it up to L.A. on the ride there.

We started out with sparklers, and L.A. had an unfortunate run in with a just extinguished sparkler that has had him saying “the little firework bit me on my thumb” for the past few days.  Then we settled into our chairs to watch the display.

Sadly, the sparkler incident combined with it being two hours past his bed time put a damper on L.A.’s first fireworks show, and he spent the majority of the evening snuggled into C’s shoulder.

S.G. watched as the fireworks rained down from the sky, with the wide eyed awe only a child can have.

Then we packed everyone up and drove home in the darkness, eventually lugging three sleeping children upstairs to their cozy beds.  The next morning L.A. crawled into our bed, slung his smooth toddler arm over me and said “Mommy?” I opened my eyes to a very serious face and he looked solemnly at me and said “I don’t like fireworks”.

Maybe next year….

Oh sweet island that I adore.  Another year of fun, another set of memories.  I always forget exactly how the Vineyard makes me feel.  It’s a feeling of peace that I can’t explain, a sense of relaxation that I don’t feel anywhere else.  It’s letting the day slowly unfold – unscheduled and at leisure.  We needed this time away – to rejuvenate, to reconnect, and to relax.  Luckily P2 was finally on the upswing by the time we left, and we needed to see him happy again too.

I was so at leisure in fact, that the majority of these pictures were taken with my little point and shoot camera – the Canon S90.  I pulled out the big guy a few times, but I was really enjoying living in the moment.  So, here you go… a slew of hardly edited photos taken from a regular old camera.

I so enjoyed our hours on the beach, watching L.A. soak up every new experience.  Taking a non walking toddler to the beach though?  Not quite as much fun.  That child got sand in places sand should never be, and considering he needs to be carried back to the car – well I’ll let you figure that out.  Thank goodness for the outdoor shower.

Spending lazy afternoons on the deck and eating around the big table outside.

L.A. fell in love.  Sadly (for him), it was with my brother’s girlfriend who  he has now taken to calling “My Wauwa”.  Poor Laura, she was such a good sport as he mugged her day in and day out – not really understanding the concept of her sunburn.  L.A. even dragged her into the parked Jeep with promises of driving her to the park so they could play together.

We spent more time at the beach…

And we celebrated a belated Father’s Day for my dad – affectionately known as Grumpy instead of Grandpa.  Those pants you see were his request – Loud Pants to wear while he caddies for my mom on the golf course.

Later that night we celebrated with raspberry pie.  P2 was a BIG fan.

I snuck off to watch the sunset, alone with my thoughts and met a really great couple from Boston.

and finally, we said good bye (too soon).  Isn’t it always too soon?  I feel like when that ferry pushes out of Vineyard Haven it leaves a tiny piece of me on the island.  Until next year.

We’ve had a rough few days around here. On Friday afternoon P2 came down with a fever that quickly morphed into a really nasty virus by the following afternoon.  Like headed to the hospital at 5 am with a limp baby virus.  Scary stuff.  He’s pretty much been living in our arms, and it’s been really hard for C and I to watch him in so much pain.  We’re all sleep deprived, and our nerves are shot.

Yesterday he finally decided to nap and C was headed out to mow the lawn.  I swore I was going to take the opportunity to shower, and then perhaps lay down for a minute myself.  As I was tidying up a few things though, I glanced out the window and saw L.A. helping his daddy mow the lawn.  He was walking at a perfect pace right alongside him, and when C stopped to check something on the mower, L.A. quickly mimicked his movements.  When I walked outside, camera in hand, he looked up at me with big proud eyes and said “I helping Daddy, Mom!”.  Despite the fact that it was about 98* with 90% humidity and they were both pouring sweat by the end, L.A. hung out until the last blade of grass had been cut.

I love to watch their bond.  To witness their secret handshake, to see them laugh together, to watch their shared expressions as they talk, and most of all to see the adoration that L.A. has for his Daddy.  I get it buddy, I feel the same way.

And because I miss him being able to be himself, here’s one of my sweet P2 before he got so sick.  My little chubby cheeked quiet guy.  The most snuggly peanut I’ve ever met.  Here’s hoping tomorrow turns the corner, we’re all ready to have him back.

L.A.,

I can’t count the number of times your thoughts and expressions have caught me off guard in these last few weeks.  When you were first born I held you in my arms and marveled at how incredibly perfect you were.  I watched cautiously as you took your first steps, and I silently cheered you on as you learned to speak in sentences – often times repeating the same word over and over as your brain worked at warp speed to catch up with your mouth.  These days though, you’ve got most things working together.

You run laps around your Dad and I, and love when we chase you around outside – dissolving in a fit of contagious laughter when you’re caught.  When you want to play monsters and I feign being afraid you completely stop the game to come put your hand on my shoulder and look deep into my eyes with concern saying “It’s otay Mommy, they nice monsters.”  You’ve developed such an amazing sense of compassion.  Though it’s painful, I actually love when your little feet pitter patter into our room at quarter to 5 in the morning and you say in your tiny voice “Hi Mommy!  I just waked up” as you climb up into our big bed, kiss my forehead and sling your arm over me before you fall back asleep.

I’m not going to lie, there are mornings I wish our door had a lock.  Your new obsession with super heroes, while cute, is a little unnerving when you decide you should try to jump and fly on our bed (at 5am).  Yesterday your brother was napping and I ran to the post office only to come back and find you and your Daddy running around and climbing all over our back yard.  When I pulled in the driveway you stopped for a second to look over at me and shouted “Look Mommy!  We’re SUPER DUPER!!” with a squeal of delight.

You’re not afraid of anything, you’re headstrong and stubborn, you hate to be told that you can’t do something, and you always want to run with the big kids.  Despite all of that, you have one of the sweetest little hearts I know.  You continue to amaze us every single day.  I just hope many years from now that you always remember that you’re Super Duper, little guy.  I don’t want anyone or anything to take that away from you.

All my love,

Mommy

PS – Do me just one favor though?  Let’s stop trying to jump down the stairs/off the rock wall/into the pool when your parent’s heads are turned for a second?  I admire your sense of adventure, but I really don’t want to end up in the hospital. Okay?  I love you.

I spend a lot of time behind the camera, rare are family photos that include me, and even more rare are photos of just C and I.  When one of my photographer friends, Amy Ro of Amy Ro Photography in RI announced she wanted to expand her portfolio, I half jokingly replied to her.  Several emails later we set it up, and here they are!

I am so in love… with my husband, with these images, and with the emotion that she captured.  Thank you Amy!!!

I had seen him around the halls of my office and thought he was cute, but it wasn’t until a night out with a few girlfriends that I had the nerve to introduce myself to him.  We hit it off right away, but I was in a weird place in life.  I was just barely 20 years old, and had just gotten out of a pretty awful relationship.  I wanted to party it up and be single and free.  I gave him my number, not expecting him to call – but he did.  I tried to brush him off and made up lame excuse after lame excuse as to why I couldn’t go out with him.  It wasn’t that I was disinterested, it was that I knew from our first conversation that he was going to be something real – someone who made me stop and care, and I wasn’t ready for that.

One day at work, I had just finished my lunch and stepped into the elevator headed back to my desk.  Like a scene from a Meg Ryan movie, as the elevator door started to close, a hand jutted in at the last second.  It was him.  Just the two of us in the elevator, alone.  ”So, what are you doing tonight?” he asked with a raised eyebrow as he anticipated my next quick witted lie.  My hands started to sweat, and I could feel the blood rushing to my face.  You see, I can tell a tale or two via email, maybe even stretch the truth over the phone, but face to face – forget it.  I wear it on my sleeve.  Before I could even think it through, my mouth blurted out “I, um, I’m having a party tonight – you can come if you want” I offered.  It was a Tuesday, and I was not having a party.  It was just that I lived a good 45 minutes away from him, and I was completely expecting him to turn me down given that it was a work night and all.  ”That sounds great, I’ll meet you here after work” he responded.  Crap, crap, crap.

As I drove home from work that day, I called everyone I knew to try to beg and con them into coming to my fictitious party.  There were five of us there – including C, myself, and my 16 year old brother.  Rock on!  Funny thing about that night though, it further solidified what I had thought that very first night I met him.  There was something about this guy – something amazing, and real, and kind, and all of that scared the heck out of me.

Despite the fact that we had a great time the night of my “party”, I continued to play the game for a few more weeks.  I just wasn’t ready, until one night I was headed out with a girlfriend and called him on a whim to see if he might want to meet us out.  He did, and again – we had a blast together.  The next day a few of us were headed to the beach, and I asked him if he wanted to come.  C agreed and as we parted ways that night, I promised to call him in the morning.  Imagine my surprise when I called him so that we could figure out where to meet up and he was all “my car battery is dead”.  I hung up the phone frustrated and disappointed.

After all that persistence, when I was finally letting my guard down he seemed to have changed his mind.  As I relayed the story to my friend, she insisted I call him back and offer to come pick him up.  ”But Nik – what if he is totally lying about it?” and she looked me square in the eye and said “how are you ever going to know if you don’t ask?”.  So I picked up the phone and called his house with shaky hands.  When he answered I said “sooo…. I was thinking, maybe we could come get you?” with a nervous break in my voice.  ”That sounds great, I’ll give you directions” he answered.

So off we went with a bunch of friends to the beach.  That was a Saturday morning.  We had so much fun that day that we decided to stay as a group, buying clothes and food along the way, ignoring the outside world and our responsibilities and didn’t come home until Wednesday.

That Saturday was ten years ago, today.

One Decade.  A third of my life.  It’s amazing how quickly it has gone by.  It’s even more amazing now that I know what I know about the two of us, that we stand here today.  C and I weren’t meant to be together – neither of us had any business getting into a serious relationship at that point in our life.  But, there was something… something that kept drawing us back.  In our earlier years, we tried to part ways more than once.  We convinced ourselves it would just be easier, because you see, we aren’t an “easy” couple.  We take work every.single.day.  We just believe it will be a little less work tomorrow than it was today.

His closet is clothes arranged on wooden hangers organized by season and (loosely) by color.  Mine is a tornado, plain and simple.  He’s the one who pushes me when I’m trying to give up, he’s persistent.  I’m fly by the seat of my pants – see where the road leads.  He plans everything.  I make lists in my head because when I actually take the time to write things down, nine times out of ten I forget it in the car (or on the counter, or I don’t remember it’s in my pocket until I’ve left the store missing key items).  He rarely forgets anything.  I can ride for hours in the car quietly, not even realizing that there isn’t any music.  I always know he’s home because I can hear his radio as he pulls into the driveway.

Despite all of our differences and even after ten years, there is still that something though.  Something that is so much stronger than either of us.  It’s in the way on a sunny day we’ll be playing outside with the kids and we catch each other’s eye with a little smile that lets the other person know – this is always the life I wanted.  It’s the something that held us together on our darkest days when we literally clung to each other and cried and just prayed we’d get it right tomorrow.  It’s the way when we slip into the sheets at night, my cold feet find his legs for warmth and he never ever complains.  It’s how my head fits perfectly into the spot in the crook of his arm when we snuggle on the couch.  It’s the something that makes my heart swell when I watch him with his children, the something that made me certain that the day I married him was the beginning of my life.

It’s how after ten years, I’m more in love with that man than I’ve ever been.  How ten years later, he is my partner and best friend in every sense of the word.  I love you, C.

Ten years down, forever and always to go.

For the past six months, I’ve had this overwhelming feeling that someone was missing from our family.  I’ve never said that I needed to have another baby or really wanted to be pregnant, just that there was someone who was supposed to be a part of our family that wasn’t here.  C and I talked about having a third, but I was on the fence…. the whole pregnancy thing, sleepless nights (or more sleepless than they already are with the two worst sleepers in America).  We tabled the discussion and figured we’d re-examine our feelings next spring.  Despite all of that, I still couldn’t get rid of the feeling that we had a void.

Flash to two weeks ago when we suddenly learned that C has a daughter who is almost six from a brief relationship he had while we were broken up back in 2003.  To say we were shocked is an understatement, but we both firmly believe that everything happens for a reason.  In this, it seems that the reason is to bring this Sweet Girl into our lives.  We’ve met her a few times now and we are in the process of integrating her into our family.  She is amazing.  She is super smart, sweet, helpful, and already seems to be forming a bond with her little brothers.  L.A. adores her, almost to the point where I wonder if he won’t become the pesky little brother in her eyes.

We don’t know what the future holds, but we know that we want Sweet Girl to be a part of our lives and our family from here out.  She is the missing piece.

Watching C learn to navigate a world of princesses and pink makes my heart flutter… and to see the little looks that she steals at him.  It just all feels right.

After our boys were tucked into bed the other night, SG wanted to show her Dad how well she reads, so the two of them sat together and she sailed through most of the pages, stopping occasionally to sound things out.  Every once in a while she’d come across a word that she couldn’t get through, and he would lean over and try to help her.  Sometimes he would softly whisper the answer, or just nod his head in encouragement if she was close.  In the last picture, I was really just trying to get a shot of the book they were reading together, but instead I got something so much more.  Look at C’s face… the way he’s looking at her?  There’s love growing there, and it’s amazing.

I’m not ready for it, I don’t want you to be a toddler yet.  You are my sweet, snuggly, smiley little guy, and I want you to stay that way forever.  From the moment I met you, I looked up at your Dad and said “He has an old soul”.  That has become more and more apparent in the past year, and it’s one of the first things many people say when they meet you.  Your eyes have this mix of wisdom and playfulness that I almost can’t put my finger on.  You’ve been the quiet one, up until a few weeks ago when you finally started fighting back and making your opinion known when that pesky older brother of yours takes something from you.

You’ve taught me so much in the past year, and I think back to how scared I was to meet you… I didn’t know what our future held, but you have been the most incredible blessing, and we’d be lost without you.  I love you and your crazy hair, little dude!