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As 2011 draws to a close, we’ve spent a lot of time snuggling up with our little family enjoying each other, and being grateful for what this year has brought us.  I’d be lying if I said it was the best year ever, there were certainly some times of struggle and days when the cards just wouldn’t line up, but it was a year of learning and growing, and reflecting on what is most important to us.

Namely, these guys… and for C and I, each other.

So as goals are planned and roads are paved for 2012, it has been my commitment to myself to be better for all them – to try to slow down a little, play more often, and be present without worrying about every ding of email that comes through that.very.second.  I’m pretty sure it’s a promise I make to myself at the dawn of each new year, but I figure if I keep pushing towards it, one of these times I’ll get it right.  We have a bunch of amazing couples who have asked us to be a part of their wedding day, and lots of babies that are on their way into this world, and as I sit back and think of what the next year holds, I am grateful.  For family.   My own family, our amazing friends (who are very much like family), and all of the families that I will get to meet and be a part of in the coming year.

As much as I’m looking forward to all the exciting work there is in store for 2012, I’m also looking forward to taking time off and really shutting down, turning off my cell phone and just enjoying those that are closest to us.  Along that note, remember way long ago back in August when we went on an amazing family vacation with some of our favorite friends?  Carla just posted some pictures that I took of her family here.  Her post couldn’t have been more timely as I wrap up the tail end of the crazy portrait season and crave some down time.  Though it’s not Martha’s Vineyard, I’m planning on sneaking in a few snuggle days filled with pjs, big quilted blankets, homemade popcorn, hot cocoa and my 4 favorite people in the world.

Hope you all had a wonderful holiday season!

It’s that time of year again… the season of late nights, and kissing my little ones goodbye early Saturday morning to rush off to photograph beautiful families and children.  To capture intimate moments, and forever preserve them.  The only downside of the busy season is that as it finally slows to let me catch my breath, I’m looking back and realizing I’ve missed out on posting and sharing, and talking about our own little family.  If I’m being honest, I have yet to even attempt holiday portraits of our three.  I’m hoping for this weekend, that a sweet bribe and a stroke of luck might get me a shot of all three of them together.  It’s been almost 2 years since S.G. entered our lives, and I have yet to get one really great sibling shot.  Up until now, I could always count on LA to be the one running in the other direction, making silly faces or purposely avoiding my camera.  This year, I’m 98% sure it will be P2.

Speaking of LA, I also realized that I never posted to him on his fourth birthday.  I don’t keep a baby book for the kids, so I rely heavily on the blog to be a snapshot of how much they were loved.  A permanent record so that when they’re teenagers and I’m the meanest mom in the world, they can look back someday and appreciate that maybe I really wasn’t all that bad.  So to my sweet little pilgrim – I’m sorry that your birthday is getting lumped in with a mass update nearly two weeks late.  Please know that it doesn’t mean you have been any less important this year.  In fact, know that you have been amazing this year.  In recent months especially, you have become so much fun.  Your thought process, your jokes, your fierce protectiveness over your little brother, and your smile.  You make my day, every day.  This year on Thanksgiving it was your birthday – and I woke up and thanked God for you.  The little boy who fulfilled the dream I forever had of becoming a mom.  I was, and will always be, so incredibly thankful for you.  I’m especially thankful for how adorable you were in your school performance singing Mr. Turkey Struts Around.  Thanksgiving favorite around here.

In the spirit of not missing things (or realizing I’m missing them and desperately trying to preserve them!), I’ve been keeping a little separate blog.  It’s nothing special, it’s just quick everyday snapshots with my iphone.  Tiny little memories that I know I need to archive forever.  If you’re interested and want to check it out or follow along, it’s here.

As for me, I’m slowing down.  I’m looking forward to delivering lots of beautiful portraits and then spending time with the ones I love the best.

Or is it ridiculously clear where there this little cutie got his nickname from?  C thinks it’s really strange that I actually see a resemblance between P2 and his loved monkey… I think it’s kind of awesome.

In this crazy life, as one day quickly crashes into the next and the weeks flood together in a blur, it’s easy to lose sight of the important things.  It’s easy to take for granted the love that gave me this crazy beautiful life.  The feeling that brought butterflies when I looked in his eyes years ago, and just knew. The way my heart swelled when I saw him meet each of his children for the first time.  The content happiness of spending quiet days before we had those children just snuggled up and enjoying each other.  The long Sunday rides we would take with no destination or agenda, just hours of conversation that brought us closer and left us feeling like we had accomplished something as we talked about our hopes and dreams for the future.

So for just a moment, I’m pressing pause to remember those things.  To forget the dishes, the bickering over laundry, and the long list of things that have to be done for the kids, and just remember that sweetly intense love that brought us to this point.

My heart is full, and I am so so lucky.

When we went to Martha’s Vineyard back in August, I had carefully chosen our outfits for our family photo session with the hopes of getting one great shot for a canvas in our living room.  With three little ones (specifically two tiny fellas whose ears weren’t working), our sweet family photo shoot quickly turned into running into the ocean fully clothed, little boys stripping their wet shirts, all five of us soaked to the core and covered in sand…. and you know what?  It was perfect.  Because it’s who we are right now.  We aren’t everyone smiling and looking at the camera, we are five people all running in different directions, tripping in the waves that life brings, and quickly reaching our hands out to save each other from being sucked under.  We’re at a silly, unpredictable, crazy place in our life, and I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

One day in the not so distant future, our house will be quiet again – we’ll have time to snuggle and go for long Sunday drives, and I have a funny feeling as I reach my hand out to his and look over with eyes that have a few more wrinkles around them, we’ll talk about how much we miss this.  How we wished we had soaked it up instead of wishing for it to be easier.  How nice it would be to go back and press pause, if only for a moment.

A big shout out to one of my best girls Carla Ten Eyck for capturing this one sweet moment of pause.  Also, as a totally quick aside – lest you think we’re completely irresponsible parents who smooch on the beach while our little ones run off to sea, just off camera there were about 7 other adults watching our little ones to make sure they were okay as we got lost in this moment.

Sweet Girl starts her first day of second grade today.  She woke up early, and I could tell already that she was a little nervous.  She’s had so many changes in the last year, and starting a new school is (hopefully) one of the last.  So this morning after everyone was all dressed, I put tiny hearts on all of our hands (well, except for the tiny guy who was too busy playing to be bothered) in a pledge of solidarity, so that if S.G. is feeling a little scared or unsure, she can look down at her hand and know that we’re all right there.  Supporting her, and loving her.

We all walked down to the bus stop together, butterflies floating around our tummies.  When the bus pulled up, she squished into C’s arms for one last big hug of encouragement and then bravely climbed up.  We waved goodbye and I choked back tears… hoping and praying that her first day is nothing short of amazing.  As we walked back home, L.A. looked up at me and said, “Mama, are you gonna cry when I get on the bus to go to kindygarden?”  Yes, yes little guy… I sure am.

Monkey baby, Monkalicious, Monkamonk, Monkabear, Monka Monka burnin’ love, Monkamoo.  I love this boy, and I am so grateful that I’ve had this summer to watch him grow.  From my shy little snuggle bug, to this boy suddenly exploding with vocabulary and personality, I am blessed.  Blessed to have had these last few weeks where a combo of vacation and daycare being closed afforded me a ton of time to spend with the kiddos.  Sure there were days that were stressful, and there may or may not have been a day or two that I felt I was just a horrible mother who wasn’t cut out to do this whole parenting thing… but here we are on the other side of that, and they’re back to their lives of part time daycare, and I find myself missing them.

This little dude especially, he has changed so so much since the spring… This little face is more and more boy and less and less baby.  Lucky for me, he has yet to relinquish his title as the house snuggler, and I’ll hang onto that as long as I can.  Man, it goes by too fast.  (and yes, some day I know he’ll despise all my ridiculous nicknames for him, so for now I’ll live it up.)

I have a thousand things I should be doing, and plenty of sessions (plus a wedding!) that are waiting to hit the blog.  They’re coming, I promise… and if you’ve been waiting ever so patiently, I appreciate it!  Just for one quick second can I gush though?  This afternoon I was taking some pictures of King Nakies so I that I can always remember this time when clothing was immediately stripped as he walked through the door, and he lived in a diaper around the clock.  He will.not.keep.clothes.on.  Cute about 98% of the time, but when we’re in the middle of Chili’s for dinner?  Not so much…  Anyway, as I snapped away at the little dude in his diaper, Sweet Girl appeared at my shoulder and asked if she could take a picture with my camera.  At first I immediately said “no, that’s probably not a good idea”…  I mean it IS an expensive camera, and it’s kind of tricky to use, and I was sort of in my groove… but something made me pause.  To turn around and place it in her hands, showing her how to stretch out her little fingers to use the back button focusing, and explaining where to look, when to press the buttons.  To take the moment as it was, and say yes – to encourage something that she was interested in.

I sat down on the chair next to the window where P2 had been sitting moments before, and let her snap away.  Somewhere along the way, King Nakes clambered up onto my lap and S.G. clicked away.  Once we were all done, I quickly scrolled through the pictures on the back of the camera.  Most of them were out of focus, or one of us was making a crazy face, but then – there was this – this one picture with mama love pouring out of it.  The one that shows the boy slowly losing his baby features, and the mama who will forever hold onto them somewhere deep in her heart.  Sweet Girl could have accidentally dropped that silly camera and let it shatter into a million bajillion pieces, and it would have been completely worth it to have this picture of us.

To my baby boy, I love you more than any words could ever do justice.  To my sweet girl, I am forever grateful for you – and that has nothing to do with how amazing this picture is.  To myself, say yes more often…. wonderful, wonderful things happen when you pause and say yes.

I saw this as I was sipping my morning coffee and perusing Pinterest.  It’s too perfect not too share… and now I’m off to hug my kiddos.

If you want to download this print, to hang up as a reminder somewhere, click here.